Tips on how to cope with disagreements in relationships

Disagreement image
Source: Google images

Over the years i have found that a lot of times married couples or those in committed relationships like to pretend about the struggles that they face in their marriages, thereby misleading singles into believing that there are no tough days. It is important to be prepared mentally and otherwise before venturing into any serious relationship as it will either make or mar you. Being married for two years has taught me a lot more than i was ever taught in my marriage counselling classes, and it has made me learn so much about attributes i never believed i had (which is a good thing if you look at the bright side of it). I am more understanding and patient now, and i try not to act on impulse especially when i am very angry or happy. I believe these issues should be discussed more instead of just sweeping them under the rug and acting like they don’t exist.

Religious marriage counsellors tend to give you a glimpse of what is to come but do not actually paint the whole picture (not to discredit pre marriage counselling please). Conflict or disagreement between married couples is normal and does not imply that there is no love lost between the two, if anything, it makes you realize how much you mean to each other especially if both parties understand each other. That being said, the good days should be more than the bad days not the opposite (do not ever condone violence or abuse of any kind, run for your life while you can!)

Based on my experience and that of others i’ve observed, i would like to share some tips that have helped me cope during my challenging times in the two years of my marriage.

  • Communicate and be active listeners while you’re at it; this point cannot be overemphasized (sounds cliche i know but it is what it is). A lot of times we get carried away by life’s events that we forget how important it is to talk to each other. And please not necessarily about serious issues, sometimes keeping each other updated about the day helps keep couples connected and feel more involved. This is more crucial for those in long distance marriages like myself. When there is a disagreement, it is better to discuss it and get it settled. Many marriages have ended over trivial reasons that could have been resolved if both parties had been reasonable enough to talk and hear each other out. Showing lack of interest when the other person is talking leads to more disagreement. Avoid dialogue when any party is angry or furious.
  • Honesty is key; Be honest about how you feel when conflicts are being resolved in marriage. When you lie or withhold information, you end up making matters worse because sooner or later the truth will be revealed and will eventually lead to distrust. On the other hand, if you’re not real with your partner about your likes and dislikes, you will keep getting hurt as a result of your partner not being aware of the reasons for your getting hurt. So be real.
  • Be willing to compromise: When a disagreement is being resolved, it is mandatory that both parties agree to compromise on whatever the reason for the controversy. Being selfish in marriage makes both parties bitter and may subsequently lead to divorce or separation.
  • Let bygones be bygones: After matters have been settled, it is only wise to forgive each other and move on with life on a happy note. Constantly making reference to past conflicts will affect the relationship negatively. Just learn from past mistakes and be better next time.
  • Go on dates occasionally or as often as possible; This last tip sounds so simple and predictable but i assure you that its one of the things most married couples hardly do. Spending more time together helps you create sweet memories that you both will cherish when your aged and it brings you closer together in love and friendship. If you have to schedule date nights or days please do so. Besides, that’s what most ladies desire but hardly ever ask if the men do not offer. The more time you spend with each other, the better for your relationship. it does not have to be expensive.

I hope this write up is educative and inspiring enough to make someone in a committed relationship going through a tough time feel better. For those who are single please learn from those who are experienced so you don’t end up making decisions you will regret later.

If you have more tips to share please do that in the comments section, thank you for reading.

Until next time,

Love more and worry less!

Counting down to 30

liberation
Source; Google images

There is no greater feeling like looking back at your life and realizing how far you’ve come. I reminisce a lot, not because i have a lot of time on my hands but because counting my blessings gives me joy. Often times we get carried away by our troubles and frustrations which eventually lead to depression. The world is already full of sad events, let’s not make things worse. We all should take a chill pill, relax and enjoy life. Be happy regardless of our individual circumstances.

There are so many reasons to be happy, for example; the gift of life, family, friends, laughter, good health, shelter, food, water, peace, love, career, etc. they are too many to be listed here. If you are depressed, sad or going through a tough time, please drop it and look forward to brighter days ahead. No one will make that choice for you except you!

It is normal to get upset sometimes but at the end of the day we should not let that rob us of the excitements that come with being happy people. I have experienced terrible times of betrayal from people i hold dear to my heart, and i threw the longest pity party for myself till there was no strength or tears left in me. One day i asked myself if it was even worth my energy and time, as you know the answer was and still is an obvious ‘NO’. That was the moment i decided i would live a fulfilled life and keep being the cheerful happy-go-lucky girl i was when i was much younger.

So far it has paid off, i’ve lost so many friends but i gained few others that i wouldn’t trade for the world. One thing i cherish in life is loyalty and that is because i am loyal to a fault. I however, learned over the years not to expect such an expensive virtue from people who do not understand its concept. One of my aunts would always say ‘blessed are those who do not expect, for they shall not be disappointed‘.

20 days to my 30th birthday and i say ‘NO’ to every form of negative energy around me. I choose to live, love and laugh in peace like never before. It is time for me to take good care of myself for me and my family, i intend for my son to have happy memories growing up (so help me God). Memories he will take with him for life till he starts his own family.

I still have a lot  to accomplish as long as i am alive ad healthy. That is, new people to meet, new places to visit, achieving my career goals and so much more. This is just the beginning for me, i have never felt so fresh and driven to succeed like i do now. I hear 30 is the new 20 (LOL, I wish).

On this note, i wish to announce that i will be embarking on a ketogenic lifestyle journey soon. I have been overweight for so long, i feel this is the best time for a change or rather, a transformation from the inside out. I will be updating you on my progress and i will also try to post recipes alongside photos of my meals. So stay tuned for that, i will need all the encouragement and motivation i can get.

Did i also mention my son and i will be going home to hubby soon for the summer break?! We are so excited to be reunited after almost six moths of being apart (some of the sacrifices families of military personnel make, but we do it with love). Thanks for reading guys.

Until next time, stay safe and happy. Remember YOLO!

A trip to success boulevard

Why do people feel the need to succeed?

A lot of people in our society today are being judged as failures or never do wells because they aren’t living up to soceiety’s expectations. People need to realize that being happy and peaceful are important ingredients of a successful life. 

I would say this though, success means different things to different people, a Nigerian saying goes thus ‘one man’s meat is another man’s poison’. Personally I believe that just because something worked well for Mr A doesn’t mean it will work for me. I live my life knowing that all fingers are not and will never be equal, therefore let everyone one run his race the best way it suits him/her. Lately I have been on a journey of self discovery, I will be turning thirty years soon and it’s kind of a big deal for me (whoop whoop, i’m happy and feel blessed). I have been asking myself what I have achieved in life so far and to be honest with myself and you all, I am doing okay since I have a masters degree and I work as a university lecturer. However, you will be surprised that I don’t measure that to be success. Its important, but not the most important thing to be achieved. 

There is much more to life than just doing the regular things that are expected of you by society. We all have those secret things hiding in a tiny corner of our hearts that we wish we could do that would make us more pleased or satisfied with ourselves. I will use my beginning to blog as an example. I have been procrastinating starting a blog for only God knows how long. This is something I do because I enjoy writing and I want to be a source of inspiration to people like me. We waste so much time suppressing our talents due to societal pressure, wondering how people would view us if we did what we love.

Getting a large readership and following on my blog will not only help me network more but I will also learn from talented people that are willing to share their knowledge with the world. Furthermore, I believe as time goes on my writing skills will greatly improve whilst I find out the niche I belong to.

Conclusively, success for me is having and spending quality time with my family, having loyal friendships, pursuing a successful career I enjoy, working towards achieving my set goals, staying healthy, pray more, travel more, shop more, take more photos (another secret passion of mine), laugh more, reach out to the needy and all the good things of life (haha).

Keep living your dreams people, you only live once.

Peace!

First of all, Introduction!

 I’m so excited to be writing this blog post with the intention of getting it published and promoted. This is not my first attempt at blogging but somehow I never got the courage to promote my blog even after publishing my write-ups (fear of the unknown I guess 🙈). Well now I have developed ‘liver’ (Nigerian slang meaning courage/guts) lol.

Okay back to the main aim of this first post. I have decided to take blogging more seriously for two main reasons. Firstly because I have a passion for writing (I’m not a professional writer but I try) and secondly,  I want to share my life story with the world. I don’t have a perfect or glamorous life (far from it) but I believe I can inspire a lot of people with the experiences I’ve had so far. The good bad humorous challenging and priceless moments. I will be touching on areas such as relationships, career, education, parenting, family, and travel basically lifestyle in general.

Permit me to add that i’ll do my best to be as consistent and committed as possible with my posts. So please join me on this wonderful adventure and subscribe to my blog. Inspiration, humour and loads of fun are assured on this space. Feel free to comment or send me emails about suggestions and any questions you may have.

Until next time,

Stay safe and live your dreams!