Tips on how to cope with disagreements in relationships

Disagreement image
Source: Google images

Over the years i have found that a lot of times married couples or those in committed relationships like to pretend about the struggles that they face in their marriages, thereby misleading singles into believing that there are no tough days. It is important to be prepared mentally and otherwise before venturing into any serious relationship as it will either make or mar you. Being married for two years has taught me a lot more than i was ever taught in my marriage counselling classes, and it has made me learn so much about attributes i never believed i had (which is a good thing if you look at the bright side of it). I am more understanding and patient now, and i try not to act on impulse especially when i am very angry or happy. I believe these issues should be discussed more instead of just sweeping them under the rug and acting like they don’t exist.

Religious marriage counsellors tend to give you a glimpse of what is to come but do not actually paint the whole picture (not to discredit pre marriage counselling please). Conflict or disagreement between married couples is normal and does not imply that there is no love lost between the two, if anything, it makes you realize how much you mean to each other especially if both parties understand each other. That being said, the good days should be more than the bad days not the opposite (do not ever condone violence or abuse of any kind, run for your life while you can!)

Based on my experience and that of others i’ve observed, i would like to share some tips that have helped me cope during my challenging times in the two years of my marriage.

  • Communicate and be active listeners while you’re at it; this point cannot be overemphasized (sounds cliche i know but it is what it is). A lot of times we get carried away by life’s events that we forget how important it is to talk to each other. And please not necessarily about serious issues, sometimes keeping each other updated about the day helps keep couples connected and feel more involved. This is more crucial for those in long distance marriages like myself. When there is a disagreement, it is better to discuss it and get it settled. Many marriages have ended over trivial reasons that could have been resolved if both parties had been reasonable enough to talk and hear each other out. Showing lack of interest when the other person is talking leads to more disagreement. Avoid dialogue when any party is angry or furious.
  • Honesty is key; Be honest about how you feel when conflicts are being resolved in marriage. When you lie or withhold information, you end up making matters worse because sooner or later the truth will be revealed and will eventually lead to distrust. On the other hand, if you’re not real with your partner about your likes and dislikes, you will keep getting hurt as a result of your partner not being aware of the reasons for your getting hurt. So be real.
  • Be willing to compromise: When a disagreement is being resolved, it is mandatory that both parties agree to compromise on whatever the reason for the controversy. Being selfish in marriage makes both parties bitter and may subsequently lead to divorce or separation.
  • Let bygones be bygones: After matters have been settled, it is only wise to forgive each other and move on with life on a happy note. Constantly making reference to past conflicts will affect the relationship negatively. Just learn from past mistakes and be better next time.
  • Go on dates occasionally or as often as possible; This last tip sounds so simple and predictable but i assure you that its one of the things most married couples hardly do. Spending more time together helps you create sweet memories that you both will cherish when your aged and it brings you closer together in love and friendship. If you have to schedule date nights or days please do so. Besides, that’s what most ladies desire but hardly ever ask if the men do not offer. The more time you spend with each other, the better for your relationship. it does not have to be expensive.

I hope this write up is educative and inspiring enough to make someone in a committed relationship going through a tough time feel better. For those who are single please learn from those who are experienced so you don’t end up making decisions you will regret later.

If you have more tips to share please do that in the comments section, thank you for reading.

Until next time,

Love more and worry less!

i-Care Support Foundation: Maiden outreach

A journey of a thousand miles they say begins with a step. 
Finally one of my age-long dreams came through. My charity organization is now up and running to the glory of God. 

Last Saturday (3rd of June) was  our first outreach to the internally displaced persons (IDPs) in a small community called ‘Sangere’, in Yola – Nigeria and it was amazing. They were affected by the Boko Haram insurgency in the Northeast and had fled their villages with nothing but their lives. A lot of them lost family members and all their property. So they are starting all over again, with nothing. Sad, but those of us that witnessed it first-hand understand what they went through and still trying to recover from.
A very humbling and fulfilling experience it was, I must say. We didn’t have a lot to give, but the little we presented was with love and it was well appreciated. We took some fairly used clothes for men women and babies, shoes, bedsheets, and food items.
I am so thankful to those that donated and my wonderful team of volunteers, they did a good job. Looking forward to our next event.

PeacešŸ˜‡.

Note* I tried to upload photos from the event but I wasn’t successful due to poor internet coverage, I will update the post when I get better network. Thanks for reading.

An open letter to Akintomiwa my darling son!

Words cannot even describe the joy I feel this moment. Having you in my life this past year has made me a fulfilled woman in the true sense of the word, sometimes I cry while thanking God for blessing me with the gift of you.

Your birth story is so fresh in my mind like it was yesterday. I remember how scared I was of labor and delivery that I said a prayer. I told God of my fears and asked him to make the experience easy and worthwhile. He answered and you cooperated! 

As my due date approached I kept expecting the signs of labor but none showed up. Almost two weeks after my EDD I went for ante natal, after being examined by the doctors (God bless them for being gracious), it was decided that a cesarean section was going to be done to bring you out the next day. Whew! I was like, this is it. The special moment I had been waiting for to meet my baby was almost here. 

I was still scared (considering your dad was far away at work) because I didnt know what to expect but I trusted in God that all would be well. I was sent back home to get ready and return a few hours later. The surgery was scheduled for 8 a.m. the next morning. I am a freak for documenting memorable events (you already know this because of the many videos and photos of you I take daily) but fortunately or unfortunately my phone developed a fault and i could barely even make calls (imagine the wrong timing). Most of my friends and well wishers found out about your arrival on facebook (ouch!).

Well, the moment of truth came and I was wheeled into the theatre the next morning after so much prayers. I so desperately wanted to see you the moment you came out but I couldn’t as the anaesthesia choice I made (numbing my waist down to my legs) didn’t work, so I was completely knocked out. I however woke up shortly after you had been taken to meet your grandma, and the only thing I could think of doing was ask if you were ok and if you were a boy or girl (all efforts to know your gender before that day failed lol. We kept guessing and betting and you probably were laughing at us all the while). Then I became unconscious and took a long look at you from afar in my dizziness, little did I know what was to come when the anaesthesia wore off fully.

Hours later I woke up to behold your royal cuteness my love, my charming little prince. The wait for that precious moment was well worth it, and I bless the day I bore you. Even though I didn’t get to hold you until much later that night, I was happy just looking at you. God did it, we were both fine. No complications at all.

Gradually I started to feel the pain, it was out of this world. Trust your mama, I handled it like a queen (i wish, haha), I assure you that you’re worth more than the pain I felt for weeks darling. 

Your daddy wasn’t there physically but he was with us all through, waiting patiently by the phone to hear the news of your arrival. And boy was he over the moon with joy when your grandpa broke the news to him. You are all he prayed for and expected if not much more.

Motherhood is one journey I wouldn’t trade for anything, it hasn’t been easy but your grandparents, uncles, aunties, our colleagues and friends have been of immense help. You are truly a blessed child, the amount of love and likeness you command is something else.

The past one year has been wonderful and I bless God for your life. You will live long and prosper in good health and peace son. Keep smiling and being the cheerful compassionate and intelligent boy you’ve been. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents, Mommy and Daddy love you very much and are working hard to give you a good life.

Happy birthday my little munchkin, looking forward to many more amazing years with you! I hope you enjoy the party we organized for you.

P.S. Birthday party update will come in my next post people, watch this space.