Over the years i have found that a lot of times married couples or those in committed relationships like to pretend about the struggles that they face in their marriages, thereby misleading singles into believing that there are no tough days. It is important to be prepared mentally and otherwise before venturing into any serious relationship as it will either make or mar you. Being married for two years has taught me a lot more than i was ever taught in my marriage counselling classes, and it has made me learn so much about attributes i never believed i had (which is a good thing if you look at the bright side of it). I am more understanding and patient now, and i try not to act on impulse especially when i am very angry or happy. I believe these issues should be discussed more instead of just sweeping them under the rug and acting like they don’t exist.
Religious marriage counsellors tend to give you a glimpse of what is to come but do not actually paint the whole picture (not to discredit pre marriage counselling please). Conflict or disagreement between married couples is normal and does not imply that there is no love lost between the two, if anything, it makes you realize how much you mean to each other especially if both parties understand each other. That being said, the good days should be more than the bad days not the opposite (do not ever condone violence or abuse of any kind, run for your life while you can!)
Based on my experience and that of others i’ve observed, i would like to share some tips that have helped me cope during my challenging times in the two years of my marriage.
- Communicate and be active listeners while you’re at it; this point cannot be overemphasized (sounds cliche i know but it is what it is). A lot of times we get carried away by life’s events that we forget how important it is to talk to each other. And please not necessarily about serious issues, sometimes keeping each other updated about the day helps keep couples connected and feel more involved. This is more crucial for those in long distance marriages like myself. When there is a disagreement, it is better to discuss it and get it settled. Many marriages have ended over trivial reasons that could have been resolved if both parties had been reasonable enough to talk and hear each other out. Showing lack of interest when the other person is talking leads to more disagreement. Avoid dialogue when any party is angry or furious.
- Honesty is key; Be honest about how you feel when conflicts are being resolved in marriage. When you lie or withhold information, you end up making matters worse because sooner or later the truth will be revealed and will eventually lead to distrust. On the other hand, if you’re not real with your partner about your likes and dislikes, you will keep getting hurt as a result of your partner not being aware of the reasons for your getting hurt. So be real.
- Be willing to compromise: When a disagreement is being resolved, it is mandatory that both parties agree to compromise on whatever the reason for the controversy. Being selfish in marriage makes both parties bitter and may subsequently lead to divorce or separation.
- Let bygones be bygones: After matters have been settled, it is only wise to forgive each other and move on with life on a happy note. Constantly making reference to past conflicts will affect the relationship negatively. Just learn from past mistakes and be better next time.
- Go on dates occasionally or as often as possible; This last tip sounds so simple and predictable but i assure you that its one of the things most married couples hardly do. Spending more time together helps you create sweet memories that you both will cherish when your aged and it brings you closer together in love and friendship. If you have to schedule date nights or days please do so. Besides, that’s what most ladies desire but hardly ever ask if the men do not offer. The more time you spend with each other, the better for your relationship. it does not have to be expensive.
I hope this write up is educative and inspiring enough to make someone in a committed relationship going through a tough time feel better. For those who are single please learn from those who are experienced so you don’t end up making decisions you will regret later.
If you have more tips to share please do that in the comments section, thank you for reading.
Until next time,
Love more and worry less!